After I write the title, I think, after reading my last two posts…it’s been long, way too long since I have written. I read over my last two posts. I wrote an excited post about teaching my grad class again and one more after my mom gets sick, very sick. Really she has been getting sick for about six years.
You know you have them, those parents that are in denial that their babes have a learning difficulty, or a sitting difficulty, or a mean streak. My mom was diagnosed with Alt…, see, I still can’t even write the word. I have lived in denial at the clinical term. She is confused and now she says it quite often
I’m so confused.
She doesn’t usually say my name because she might call me Julie or Carol, my sisters, or Emily, my daughter. She thought yesterday that I lived in that foreign country where they talk funny. That would be Emily, my daughter who lives in Ecuador. I have been at my parents new condo nearly every day since the beginning of May. My mom fell, fractured vertebrae and has had 3 hospital stays and one rehab stint.
During this time we have packed up their whole house, moved everything that we could, sorted and sorted lots paper dating back to 1959…taught my graduate students, worked every Thursday at our Care Center at church, wrote curriculum and units for my former district, went to Kelly’s festive wedding in June, traveled to Jeff’s wonderful mountain wedding last week, watched my grand daughter’s first toddling steps, and watched my mom get healthier…physically.
My mom’s mental capacity has tragically diminished in the last few weeks. Yesterday, as I helped the caregiver with her bath she said to me,
Dead is easy, dying is hard.
I thought to myself, hmmm, she is showing brilliance right now. I thought a second and said,
Yes, it is hard…very hard to say goodbye. But just think though of what you have to look forward to. You will see Jesus, your dad, your mom, Uncle Sig, Lois and so many of your friends. You will be happy forever. It makes me happy, just thinking about heaven. Let’s just sit here, listen to hymns together.
Ahh, she sighed, I know this one…How Great Thou Art, I love this one, It is Well with my Soul!
She smiled and laid her head down on the pillow.
Just as I was finishing writing this last sentence, my husband Dave came up with his phone. He tells me my mom is in the ER. She fell and hit her head on the buffet. They just brought her to the hospital and are doing a CT. My dad said, that he hoped he would be bringing her home tonight. He doesn’t want me to rush over, worried about my driving ability in the dark . He asked me to please pray.
I will. I love you Daddy. It’s going to be okay. God is with us.
Writing this has been a celebration of sorts for me. God whispered to start celebrating every week with all of you. I have missed writing and Slicing. I feel energy returning for at least another day, another step. That is what writing can do for all of us.